#for now. must sleep and take more painkillers lmfao

[ghostlycoze]

Well THIS made my terrible chronic-pain day significantly less terrible! What a pleasant surprise!! :D This absolutely made my day to get to see, I’m so honoured to see you draw my silly little headcanons and to hear you were inspired by them!

I’ve been offline for a while but itching to share some of my ideas, so this is the perfect opportunity–thank you for the invitation! (Oh, and I’m totally taking your Lilypad Essay post as an excuse to ramble about an au i've been working on called the Iterator Revolution—a lilypad-centred eventual-off-the-string AU! Buuuut I got to this one faster >:P)

Now to see if I can organise my mess of thoughts about these silly little robots…

I’m busting out the cozy tea for this one lads. [cracks knuckles]

This is almost exactly how I imagine them, although with a couple little additions that make mine just a liiiiiittle more organic (though I ADORE exploring the more mechanical parts of these guys too!!). Mainly things like innate behaviours they have that are utterly pointless aside from purely communication-based purposes; things that come instinctually to them as a result of deep rooted genetics that don’t really apply to what they are as a whole. For example, yawning! I’ve given my iterators a cute equivalent of “yawning”, which is a combination of cute antennae flutters (like when a cat stretches real hard), scrunching their faces up, usually stretching at the same time, and a deep exhale through their vents. It’s not exactly a yawn, but it's their way of being reminded of their own energy (and it's just cute~)

I feel the urge to go “Biiiiig stretch…” Whenever I imagine these little guys stretching, like you'd do with cats. Cuties, the lot of ‘em.

I imagine in my HCs that they could dream as well; as I tend to imagine their puppets hold a fair bit of the bio in their biomechanical forms, I imagine a lot of their more organic needs would shine through especially once off the string—and given the way they could run countless parallel mental processes at once, I feel like dreaming isn’t too far fetched. Just like how our brains use sleep-time to process information, maybe they only start dreaming once they’re off the string, because to process all that background information while processing active happening things at the same time could be too much now that they've been reduced to their puppets–so that's instead been moved to be a sleep-process.

And for a side dish of angst: Moon and Pebbles would probably be the most prone to nightmares. Moon with collapsing and drowning, and Pebbles with the Rot... Ouch.

Somewhat-related to their sleep (moreso cuddling), I imagine once they're off-the-string, they'd come to realise a new need of theirs is the need for touch. Almost all creatures have it, and while they’d have never known until coming off the string, they too desire it.

Maybe I’m just a sucker for comfort-fluff, but I feel like the first time any of them get to just hold each other, they’d be likely to just cry. Between having never really experienced physical touch before (I imagine maintenance from the Ancients hardly counted, they were likely “switched off” for such things anyways), being almost overwhelmed by it given their deprivation, realising how much they’ve wanted it, and realising how cruel it is that this is something they desire given they’d been caged and separated from each other… Yeah, that’s a lot of emotions for one being to have. It’s relief of what they have, and it's grief of what they should’ve had sooner.

Extending off that, another HC I vaguely remember picking up from another artist’s ideas (I’ve absolutely forgotten who, but I’ll credit when I remember!), is that they all have a sort of electromagnetic field (?), a sort of faint vibration of energy that they can feel from each other like a comforting aura of the other’s presence. Other organic creatures can’t feel it, and before they could touch in person they weren’t aware of it, and yet it’s something that becomes a big source of soothing and a hint of intimacy when iterators cuddle. Those energies almost sort of combine, like the idea of your heartbeat or breathing syncing with a loved one when holding them—and it brings a sense of familiarity, like being back in their cans when they felt the room thrum and hum with their own life force; a sense of home, found in one another. I also imagine newer gens have a stronger electromagnetic field, so it’s more noticeable and special for Moon than it is for Sig when they’re together!

Aaaand slightly less related but still wanted to mention, is iterator stimming!! Maybe it's a bit of projection, but I totally imagine these little guys need to stim, ESPECIALLY when off-the-string. Going from your loud can with 40 different processes going through your head at once, messages coming in from all over your city, an endlessly racing mind designed purely to iterate, to think. And then take all of that away. Leave nothing but a little guy who can only have the amount of mental processes you and I have (albeit likely VERY intelligent processes, but still.) Yeah, the understimulation would be hard to deal with! Everything is too quiet, they need to do something, they were never not doing something so to not constantly be busy would be difficult to adjust to! And so, they’d start stimming. Something to stimulate them, to get all of that energy out, to focus their mind on.

I feel like Sig in particular stimmed before coming off-the-string too—spun around on his rig and did little flips and swoops in the antigravity—though the others may have too. Moon, while she’d never admit it, totally loved hanging upside down now and then. She even does it in-game! Pebbles spun his pearls around, and Suns probably had their own form too, maybe even painting the wall of their chamber? (could explain where Spearmaster got their artistic flair from!)

But after getting off the string, they’d have to find new ways to stim.

Sig definitely does the handflaps, kicks his legs, will just stand and spin around if she’s particularly energetic—the more “big” stims, very obvious. (Little note: I tend to bounce between he/she pronouns for Sig, another little fun HC I picked up from a friend!)

Moon flutters her antennae a fair bit (as does Suns, though theirs can move outwards while Moon’s can only move up and down), wiggles around and bounces on her feet—cute full-body stims that aren’t super intense, but still quite obvious.

Suns moreso rotates their antennae around, but has much slower and the most subtle stims. Gently rubs their hands together and such. I honestly don't have as many ideas for them, but hopefully I'll come up with some more soon enough!

Pebbles taps his fingers on things, bounces his leg—fast yet small stims, usually that he tries to play off and hide. I wouldn’t be surprised to catch him spinning a spear around just to busy his hands. Oh, and he moves his antennae a lot—twitches his antennae wildly at pretty much any and every sound or even thought he has.

This idea is mostly because my design for him has extremely long, flexible antennae, but I like to think newer gens are very expressive with their antennae in general (when they have them… sorry Sig), since they’re far more emotionally in tune with themselves than their older counterparts. Moon and Suns struggle to understand their needs and emotions because they were seen as far more “robot” than individuals at their time of creation, plus any need would be immediately attended to by maintenance workers. For newer generations, they develop their personalities and recognise their emotions a lot faster, as a result of being allowed to be far more individual and “alive”, and also a purposeful measure so they can take care of themselves; less work for those lazy ancients! E.g. While Moon and Pebbles both overwork themselves (runs in the family, eh?), Moon is usually a result of not realising how tired she is, while Pebbles is aware but ignores it.

There’s so many ideas I have for this concept, but some main ones are:

Sig and Pebbles helping Moon and Suns unpack their feelings because it comes a lot less naturally to the two

Moon and Suns making an active effort to better learn how to express their feelings (especially romantic) to better emotionally connect with the recipients (Sig and Pebbles)

The conflict potential (that already somewhat shows in canon) of such a difference. E.g. Suns failed to properly communicate on an emotional level resulting in only furthering Pebbles’ anger in the Spearmaster campaign.

But anyways, back to their sleep habits!

The slurred speech, the devolving into basic beeps for communication, saying silly sleepy-nonsense, that’s all totally how I imagine it!

In fact I have a whole scene idea of Sig and Pebbles bonding when Pebbles is very sleepy, and it’s actually the basis of my “Pebbles is a noodlefly” joke. While I’ve yet to draw it, the basis is:

NSH: You know, you remind me a lot of noodleflies. Pink, long face…

FP: Mmm… Rude…

NSH: Oh, quit being so moody. You’re a grouch even when you’re exhausted.

FP: … [Sleepily honks like a noodlefly, in an attempt to prove he can play along with jokes]

NSH: Ha – HA! No way, did you just honk!?

FP: Shhhut up… Too loud…

NSH: Pfft— Sorry, sorry… Get some rest, ya’ noot.

It becomes a big inside joke for the two. On the occasion Sig’s in need of some cheering up, Pebbles will cast aside his pride and honk to make him laugh.

Anyways, back to sleepy-HCs. I imagine iterators needed sleep when attached to their cans, though significantly less. Like any computer, if you leave it running forever, it’ll eventually overheat or begin to wear down–so some down-time is needed! Though that need for rest is significantly more important considering the amount of exertion being used by their puppets. While I headcanon the iterators are remarkably strong given their metal bodies, they’re probably not the most fit given they’ve never gone for a walk in their lives! Until their muscles (whether those be organic, mechanical, or some kind of metal-meat mushy mix!) get used to it, they’re gonna be sore and tired after their first cycles of off-the-string life.

I adore the way you incorporated their models into these headcanons too, I definitely imagine Moon is one of the sleepiest given her older design. And she DEFINITELY holds some guilt there as a result—frankly, my hc-moon tends to struggle with a fair bit of guilt after suddenly becoming what she feels like is a “burden” after so long of being the strongest senior that everyone could lean on. Between her ailments as a result of her collapse (chronic fatigue, sensitivity to stimuli, a vocal glitch, etc.), her general inefficiencies due to being an older design, and her phobias she’s developed after all she's been through (mainly of water and heights), she does need a lot of help. (I might make a little post on my HCs for her post-collapse side effects later! Though I did ramble about her sensory issues a little here if you'd like to see!)

I think generally that’s something they all struggle with. Needs. While thankfully they don't need to worry about needs of food and such, sleep would generally be their most vulnerable state and need (minus emotional needs). Moon needs the most help with sleep (just like your ideas!), and usually goes to Sig for comfort and cuddles, though I like to think she’s quite affectionate with everyone.

Suns and Moon have the most vague relationship in my eyes, so a while back I made it my mission to explore that. Running off of Sig’s dialogue in-game of all the iterators having a rough-stage at the start (that Pebbles supposedly plateaued at), I imagine Suns is just a bit younger than Moon. Moon had had her rough patch (and boy did she have a rough patch… Maybe I’ll explore my emo-phase iterator HCS eventually!), and once Suns came around, she helped them out of theirs. I’ve got a big ol' chunk of HC-lore for Suns’ rough-patch, which in summary: Suns was treated as a gifted kid, had their head filled with “The new and improved! The best of the best!” mindset, and it inflated their ego a lot. They were kind of a prick, over-ambitious, and then they met their ego-death when they tried to lead a large-scale ascension. And failed. It led to many being echoed, and… Yeah. No wonder Suns is such an emotional wreck (lovingly) in the Spearmaster campaign, and relies so heavily on Sig for support and emotional regulation. They thought they had another chance, to help someone they cared so dearly for, and they failed again. That’s also why I imagine Suns tried so hard to try to mentor Pebbles and help him out of his egotistical rough-patch—Suns of all people knows what it’s like to be in that mindset, and wants to save him.

But back to Suns and Moon, it was Moon who helped them pick themself up after all of that. While I don’t ship the two, I feel like they’re good close friends, so she’d give them a little cuddle too! Though usually it's Sig or, when his ego allows it, Pebbles.

I tend to mess around with their dynamics a lot, especially since I’ve been introduced to the idea of a polycule-ship! Combine Trafficlight, Lilypad, Sunstone, and Ragequit, and what do you get? Cute, cuddly chaos! They all have adorable potential, I couldn’t resist sinking into the world of bashing these silly little guys’ faces together like they’re barbie dolls and going “Now kiss!”

Moon I imagine is the comfiest to cuddle; soft, squishy material along her plating makes her perfect teddy-bear material. While she tends to take a more holder role when cuddling her brother Pebbles or good friend Suns, she alternates the most with Sig. Sometimes they both just need to be held, so taking turns works best! The way I’ve designed the two (I really need to draw them properly soon) is that Moon’s more middle-bottom heavy, while Sig’s got a smaller torso, but big clunky hands and feet for some fun stylisation—but it also means those two slot into one another like two perfect little puzzle pieces!

While Moon is the softest, Sig personality-wise is actually the cuddliest. Once he discovers the wonders of physical affection, he’s always holding one of their hands or leaning on them or doing something just to have some contact. He’s got cycles to make up for, after all! Sig completely sinks into Suns’ lap, and (albeit with some wrangling), usually manages to get Pebbles curled up in hers. Another cute thought for Sig is that I imagine he is very interested in bioengineering (I mean, he created the first genetically modified slugcat messenger, it’s quite fitting!), and takes particular interest in observing the other three’s puppets. Take it platonic or romantic, I can see him just tracing the seams of whoever he’s cuddling’s plating and analysing their designs and mechanics and organic aspects before falling asleep.

Suns is, in my mind, the biggest. In my design (I really need to finish their design), they’re sort of an opposite to Moon—far more top-heavy, and also somewhat inspired by lizards! (Ft. fun little back spines that spike up and rattle when Suns is angry or scared) As a result, they’re probably more of a side sleeper, or sometimes on their back so the other can lay on their chest. With Pebbles and Sig, they’ll just hold one of the two in their lap and accidentally fall asleep like that—and it absolutely becomes a “well, you’re trapped now” situation.

Finally, Pebbles. Oh, Pebbles. While he’d never dare admit it, he almost always curls into a little ball like a slugcat, and is perfect to spoon. In my design he’s quite a spindly little guy as a result of being a newer generation, and also the most “animalistic” in design (much to his dismay. Digitigrade legs, a longer snoot-like face. The lot!), so he’s perfect to scoop up in your arms. If he had a mouth though, he would bite you for it. Though slowly, as he lets himself bring down his walls around the others, he definitely starts to welcome being held. Little did he know that’s what he needed all along.

WHEW! Okay I wrote a lot. Clearly I’ve been rotating these characters in my mind like a microwave for far too long, but that's a lil collection of my ideas!

Eventually I want to get around to rambling about my ideas of slugcat culture and how the iterators face that as well (a BIG theme in my TBTBU au~), but for now this seemed like a big collection of my ideas relevant to the sleepy-ators! (with a couple extras in there, because who can resist stimmy-ators?)

I can’t wait to hear more of your ideas and see more of your art, this was such a joy to ramble about and I hope some of them you can enjoy!

RW Headcanon: Goodnight, Moon

AHHH YESSSS, now that that Lilypad essay is done I can FINALLY share these—!

Hey, @ghostlycoze! So you remember a few months ago how I made that drawing acting on the Moon beepsnort headcanon, and how in my last reblog I eluded to the possibility of drawing out some of your headcanons again? Well, it looks like that time has come, and this time I've got not just drawings, but lots of additions to another headcanon of yours!

This time, it's from your tags in these three posts, which I also saw a while ago! Yet for some reason I began thinking about it again recently, and as is my nature with ideas I like, I decided to develop it further, and even draw it this time!

Also, just to preface, you'll see I did a bunch of notes beside the actual drawings as well. I'll share the picture and roughly type out the notes (in case my handwriting is a bit hard to read) as well as whatever info I couldn't fit on the page. Some of the text also just says "robots" rather than "iterators" because some of these ideas are stuff I actually imagine applying to robot characters in general! Maybe I'll make a post on that someday...

With all that out of the way though, the actual headcanon is under the cut! Hope you like it!

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What are iterators like when they’re sleepy? Do they even get “sleepy” the way we humans do? This headcanon answers that question with a focus on the iterators’ puppets. Much of this info is also framed in the context of a hypothetical “worm-off-the-string” scenario, since I believe that’s the main situation where sleep and getting tired would actually matter to the iterators.

Firstly, when iterator puppets are low on power, until they find a place to recharge they usually enter a power-saving state where, to conserve what’s left of it, their energy is temporarily redirected away from some of their less-important processes. The side-effect of this, however, is that iterator puppets show symptoms of drowsiness kinda like humans! Whereas humans may yawn, stretch, or rub their eyes when sleepy, iterators will often make sloppier/less precise movements, close their lenses a little, and may even have a harder time thinking, since they sometimes shut off some processors and other cognitive functions until they can recharge. The most common symptom, however, is slurred speech, coming from less power given to their speech-forming software.

Another very-common sign of iterator sleepiness is frequent beeping, often in place of words. This is because, like slurred speech, beeps take much less energy and processing to make than analyzing data, formulating a complex response, then vocalizing it clearly. Beeps are thus far more efficient for conveying simple emotions and reactions than words. Looks to the Moon in particular gets super beepy when she’s tired because she and other early models relied more on beeps for communication — they were made back when things like vivid emotion weren’t as taboo in Ancient society, and iterators were meant to be more friendly and openly interactive with their citizens — so she’s more used to beeping to easily express her emotions. 

As a side-note and mini-headcanon (wow, real headcanon-layering action here), while even the newest iterator puppets can beep, the older iterator models, as a result of this design influence, also have a much greater “beep-vocabulary” with a wider range of sounds that shrunk with the generations. Their beeps are thus a lot more expressive as well, with some sounds even being similar in nature to animal noises or regular speech! I imagine the entire range of their beeps would closely resemble shorter versions of the “droidspeak” sounds of the astromechs in Star Wars.

But, back to sleepy iterators. 

When it’s hibernation time, iterators enter a “sleep-mode”, where almost all of their systems are shut down and recharging becomes the primary objective. However, compared to how I imagine other robots, iterator puppets have a unique way of recharging. Rather than shutting off completely and absorbing power from an external source, iterator puppets have a few key systems within them that remain on even during sleep-mode. These systems, just like those in their superstructures, are capable of converting nutrients into power directly. They emit a soft, rather comforting whirr while the puppets sleep — the only sound iterators make while sleeping, and comparable in nature to stomach sounds during digestion. Otherwise, though, the only other systems remaining on during sleep-mode are a few basic senses, and a program that decides when to “wake up”. The presence of this program also means, uniquely to iterators again, they can wake up on their own, rather than having to be powered back on by someone else like other robots. Overall, these systems are yet another aspect of iterator designs that make them far more biological than many iterators (*cough* *cough* Pebbles *cough*) would like to admit.  And in my imaginings of a “worm-off-the-string” AU, systems like these are one of the main sources of both physical and internal conflict for these characters.

Also, since most of their systems are off during sleep mode, iterators sleep, both figuratively and literally, like statues. Whatever position they fall asleep in is the position they remain in the entire time unless a.) someone moves them or b.) they wake up and move on their own. This also means (unfortunately, if you thought these ideas would be cute) that iterators do not snore, shift around, sleepwalk, sleep-talk, or dream while in sleep mode.

That’s about it for this headcanon as it applies to iterator puppets overall. Now, I’m gonna get into how I imagine Looks to the Moon specifically likes to sleep.

In addition to getting very beepy, Moon also gets very cuddly when sleepy, though some of this comes from her affectionate personality. However, it's also due to a lasting trauma from her collapse. Of course she's learned to tolerate the rain over time, yet after spending so many cycles being rapidly drowned over and over in her can — with endless disorientation and senses so out-of-control from being disconnected from most of her superstructure, no one around to comfort her save for the occasional wandering creature, and the knowledge that her own beloved brother was responsible for this — it’s still left a fair amount of bad memories with her, especially from those cycles most recently after her collapse/revival, and this general unease often resurfaces with the sound of the rain. Therefore, whenever the rain comes, this trauma serves as another, more internal reason Looks to the Moon always wants to fall asleep holding onto/being held by someone, or at the very least while sharing the shelter with someone she loves. 

On a more positive note, since I’m now officially a Lilypad shipper, I imagine that No Significant Harassment is Moon’s default choice of cuddling partner! It can be a little hard to get in position — I imagine Moon always likes to be the little spoon despite her being slightly taller than him — but they manage! Moon pretty much always falls asleep first, because, as the oldest model of the group, and having sustained the most damage post-collapse on top of that, she simply doesn’t use power as efficiently as the others do and therefore gets tired much more easily. In some ways, the poor thing even feels a little guilty about it; she’s supposed to be the leader of this group, and yet here she is, tiring out after less travel and growing drowsy before the rain even starts! Luckily, Sig makes an effort to ensure her she’s more-than worth keeping around, because after every awful thing the world has thrown at her kindness, the least she deserves is some quality guilt-free nap time! And sometimes, if they want a little alone-time (or if Pebbles gets too fed-up with their lovey-dovey gestures), it’ll be just the two of them, and perhaps their slugcats, cuddling together in the shelter. 

And speaking of slugcats, Moon’s second choice of cuddles is Rivulet! Being very soft, warm, and equally cuddly, she makes another good source of cuddles for Moon. And sometimes, if Hunter’s also around and willing, the two join forces with Sig and Hunter for a big, soft, cuddle-filled slumber party!

Still, though, Sig is definitely no. 1 provider of snuggles for Moon. But he loves her dearly, so for the most part he doesn’t mind! Since she falls asleep first, some of his favorite moments each cycle are from just watching her and holding her close as the rainfall echoes from outside; she always looks so beautiful when she’s relaxed, and having her in his arms makes him feel like he can protect her no matter what. So he never really minds when Moon, slurring her words, tiredly asks for him to hold her while she enters sleep mode. 

That is, except when this happens and he’s stuck in that spot for the next several hours…

A few more ideas to this headcanon:

Moon’s third choice of cuddles is Five Pebbles. It’s a bit interesting, because in basically all other scenarios Pebbles insists on sleeping alone in a separate shelter, even though he’s actually rather touch-starved (though it'll be a while before he admits it). Moon is one of the only people he’s actually willing to sleep with, besides occasionally Artificer (in which the feeling is mutual and no one else must be in the room). If I someday decide to ship Pebbles with someone, I imagine he’d also be willing to sleep with them, again, only if no one else is around to see it.

To elaborate on the last point and shift to Five Pebbles’ perspective, the reason why Pebbles always wants to sleep alone is because, as I imagine the worm-off-the-string story so far, Pebbles’ biggest internal conflicts are learning to accept all those “worldly attachments” the Ancients so strongly rejected, and overcoming his god-complex and fear of relying on others. And one of the main ways this manifests is him being so deeply embarrassed to be dealing with these basic survival needs — like yet another one of the savage beasts roaming the world, after having been a vast mechanical god so far above those primitive creatures — that he refuses to let others, even his friends and family, observe him in such a “pitiful” state whenever possible, and resolves to try and overcome it alone. 

To further continue this idea, this is why Moon sometimes insists on sleeping with him. Even though he’ll have to overcome these conflicts on his own, it doesn’t mean he has to be alone while he does it. She makes an effort during these and other moments in this scenario to assure him that it’s okay, no one’s gonna judge or punish him for living this way, and she’ll always be there if he ever decides to accept some help. Pebbles always falls asleep with his head buried in her chest and holding onto her very tightly.

The iterators often like to sleep with their slugcats, who in the AU also stick around a lot to help guide them as they figure out the ins-and-outs of organic survival. 

Both Moon and Pebbles tend to sleep in a curled position. It's actually very similar to how slugcats generally sleep!

Pebbles is quite the workaholic in general, but it also means he has a hard time falling asleep — not because he doesn’t get sleepy, but rather that he often denies it or its significance in an attempt to get more done that cycle (and because, again, he’s “too advanced” for animalistic things like sleeping). The group often has to literally drag him to bed to get him to sleep, and Sig often teases him when his lenses start drooping and his syllables begin to stretch.

In extreme cases, where almost all of their power has been exhausted, iterators won't just slur their words anymore, but their speech will often lose coherency overall, like a spoken case of very drunk typing .

When sleepy, Moon not only slurs her words, but has a tendency to say rather strange and very silly things. It’s another side-effect of less power being used to actually think through her words. There have been many instances where the whole group erupted in laughter after Moon made a really out-of-left-field comment!

Oh, and here's one last quick doodle based off one of the ones above:

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Aaaand that's all for another headcanon! Even though it took me a whole week to do the drawings, it was SO fun getting to develop this idea, especially since sleepy Moonie is such a cute concept! I am so glad that you shared that little idea, Ghost!!

And speaking of which, if you've made it all the way down here, Ghost, may I invite you to add any more ideas to all this, if you want? I'd especially love hearing ideas for the other iterators' sleeping habits (how fast they get tired, what position they like to sleep in, who they usually sleep with, how they wind down before bed, etc.)! I mainly focused on Moon and a bit of Pebbles at the end, since I'm still trying to get a read on Sig and Suns's personalities (especially Suns), so it'd be fun to even further expand on this idea in that regard! Of course, you don't have to, but it's a proposition!

But regardless, I hope you and anyone else who made it to the bottom enjoyed my contributions to the idea! And be sure to keep the adorable headcanon ideas coming!!

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Bonus: Here are the full sketchbook pages, in case anyone was interested in seeing the completed layout! I think I'm gonna be making more of these kinds of drawing/explanation combo artworks!3

[quaememinisse]

Title: At Best

Genre: Romance, Drama, Smut, Alternate Universe

Warnings: Violence

Relationship(s): Corey Taylor/OFC, OFC/OMC

Word Count: TBA

Chapters: 6/6

Summary: One fine summer, an up and coming drummer catches Corey’s eye.

Author’s note: And now I’m bored with this. Here’s the final chapter, for that one person reading. Lmfao. Corey is great, I’ve just done all the venting I needed to do using this story as an outlet.

Previous chapter: 5 (<–Click there to read)

           When Nanette awakens from a sleep she hadn't meant to fall into, it's because Lars is gently shaking her shoulder.

           "They finally discharged you," he explains. She can only recall signing something and a couple of random moments with a nurse before she had drifted off. Lars is tying her shoes before she has a chance to ask where Corey is, and telling her to come on because there's an Uber waiting for them. Nanette realizes that her phone had died while she was waiting to be discharged, and she doesn't bother to ask Lars where Corey is while they sit in the back seat of a middle-aged white guy's sedan. By the time they make it to the pharmacy where they stopped to pick up pain medications that the doctor had prescribed, Nanette steals a chance to ask Lars where Corey had disappeared to.

           "He told me he would stay," she explains, going to rub her head, and instead wincing and pulling her fingers away from the stitches she'd forgotten where there. What she'd gotten in the ED is finally starting to wear off. Lars looks at Nanette sadly and shakes his head, the same way he did when she went to his house for the first time, crying to him about how Nolan cheated on her. It's a pitied look, one that says everything to Nanette without her having to ask further questions.

           "I was really pissed when I saw you with blood on your fucking face," Lars admits as she hands her debit card to the cashier. Nanette sighs.

           "It was all a misunderstanding."

Lars looks at her like he thinks she's insane, "It's no misunderstanding when you smash a woman's head into your glass coffee table," Lars admits, holding the door of Walgreens open for her as they step back out to the sedan where the driver is patiently waiting in the comfort of air conditioning. They're silent again in the back seat, but Nanette notices Lars swipe left to ignore an incoming call. He's then furiously texting the rest of the ride back to his place, and without having to ask, she just knows that it's most likely Corey he's texting. She walks towards Lars's front door, arms crossed, the small plastic bag containing her prescription painkiller dangling on her wrist. The grass blurs as her eyes water, and crying is making her head hurt worse.

           By the time Lars turns around and sees her standing there crying, he tries to convince her to take it easy.

           "I just need to talk to Corey," she explains, "And I need to charge my phone, so can I use yours?" In the midst of everything, she has no idea where her own charger is.

           "Of course, Nan. Corey just went to…uhm—"

           "I know exactly where he went, Lars. I'm not fucking stupid. And you let him take your car, too?" she asks, realizing just how dumb and impulsive it was of Corey to do such a thing. She hadn't thought before about the fact that he could get himself hurt; Nolan isn't exactly The Rock, but he's tall. And wishing she hadn't slept with Nolan is at the forefront of her conscience as well; she was just supposed to get her shit and leave. She walks inside and Lars hands her his phone after unlocking it, taking hers to plug it into his charger. She doesn't waste time dialing for Corey, but by the time the phone rings for the third time, she hears Lars's car pulling up in front of the house. She rushes back out the door to see what's going on. Immediately, she can see that there are things in the back seat. Her things.

           She nearly trips making her way to the car as Corey steps out and walks around to the trunk. He pops the hood, opening it and finally catching sight of Nanette hurrying towards him. His bottom lip is split and there's a bruise forming at his left temple.

           "I'm sorry I left," he says as soon as she's close enough to hear his voice, his arms naturally falling around her middle, "I know I said I wouldn't..." She just starts crying anew when she takes in the bruises and scratches on him up close.

           "I'm fine, baby."

           "You shouldn't have—"

           "Yes, I needed to. He fucking made you bleed," Corey interrupts, his jaw clenching as he grits his teeth far in the back of his mouth. He closes his eyes a few seconds, taking a deep breath, something he sometimes pauses to do when he's about to get really angry. Nanette quietly decreases the distance between them some more. She observes Corey's face, touching his cheeks gently, and at this distance, she can see what looks like bruising around his thick neck. She doesn't need to ask what happened, and only wishes she knew what level of damage Corey did to Nolan. Corey looks down at her, anger still present.

           "I couldn't let him just…fuckin' get away with that," he admits.

           "Corey," she exhales, dusting her fingers over his bruised knuckles where his hand had gravitated to clutch the trunk's hood. And she spots the bat in there, a hairline crack in the wood. She picks it up, her eyes having widened.

           "I was just scaring him—I didn't do anything crazy—but if I had, I can't imagine how you wouldn't understand why," Corey explains, taking the bat from her and shoving it under the things he had put in the trunk.

           "C-Corey, what if he presses charges on you—?"

           "On me?! You should be pressing charges on his fuckin' ass, Nan. Have you seen your face yet?" he asks, looking so furious that Nanette takes a step away from him. He visibly dials it back about five notches, realizing he must have scared her, showing up with all these bruises and dried blood on his knuckles. Nanette steps out of the one arm that's still holding onto her. Corey's eyes sharpen, as if he's staring into her soul.

           "I'm not sorry either, Nan. Do you have any idea what just happened to you? If someone ever tries to hurt my son like that…" And his chest heaves as he takes another deep breath, shaking his hands out. Nanette turns around to find that Lars is nowhere in sight, and she knows that Corey must have already texted him everything that transpired between him and Nolan while she was in the ER.

           "Please, don't tell me you feel bad for him? He hurt you, Nan," Corey explains, his expression softening greatly. She contemplates telling Corey that instead of being strong enough to get her belongings and go, she slept with Nolan.

           "Look—I didn't kill the man. We just beat the shit out of each other for a bit, and then I convinced him to stay the fuck away from you, or I'd do it again. I got your things, and now you don't have to go back there, ever," Corey explains. She has sat on the curb by now, covering her eyes.

           "Nan—what's—?"

           "I had sex with him," she blurts, unable to hold it in any longer, "It meant nothing—and I didn't plan on it—I was just going to get my things and—"

           "I know," Corey interrupts, and she can feel his hands massaging her hips where he has knelt on the asphalt in front of her. Corey pries her hands away from her eyes, forcing her to look at him.

           "He told me. Tried to brag about it, just to piss me off."

           "I'm so sorry," Nanette explains desperately, "It just happened. I fucked up. And when I tried to leave…" Corey's rage wells up once more, but somehow, Nanette knows that this rage isn't directed at her.

           "I don't love him. I swear. I just—" Corey pulling her into his arms cuts her off and they sit there for moments that feel like hours.

           "I didn't want you to get hurt," she explains, "Now everyone is hurt. I should have waited for you to get here. I shouldn't have gone by myself—"

           "Nan, stop. It's…it's alright now," Corey explains, pulling away to meet her eyes.

           "I hope that you know I love you, Corey, and it didn't mean anything," Nanette promises. Corey nods, and his eyes water, but tears never fall out. He fixates on the stitches on her forehead. She feels that she deserves them now, after fucking Nolan.

           "We can be together now, Nanette. That's all that matters to me," Corey reassures her, pressuring his fingers into her lower back in comforting circles. He kisses her, and her hand rests on the hot curb, burning her, and she just lets it sear.

           "I should have waited until you got here," she says again, shaking her head.

           "Well, he's just a shitty guy, and he cajoled you, and then he got violent. Just know that he's not gonna touch you again." Corey stands, helping Nanette up.

           "Okay?" he adds, holding her hands firmly. She nods, smiling the weakest smile she's ever given him. She can't help but feel guilty on the inside. Everything with Nolan, up until he threw her into a coffee table, had felt natural…or not so much natural, just that she was used to it. She didn't envision herself sleeping with him when she went to get her things from his place. But as Corey starts to unload the trunk, she realizes how much he's nothing like Nolan; he wasn't going to hold her slip up against her. He was just angry that Nolan had hurt her, emotionally and physically. Corey seemed to believe that she felt remorse for going over there alone, and after a few seconds of standing there watching him pull her belongings out of Lars's car, the emotional pain eventually lightens.

           "I just think we should crash here for a night or two," Corey explains, "Let you rest before we head to my place in LA. I know Lars won't mind." His icy eyes never stop fixating on her stitches, at which she just feels saddened for his displeasure. Corey had made it clear just how he feels about her; there are no gaps that she worries about filling, and she starts to pull one suitcase out of the car and roll it up towards Lars's house. She can't stand allowing Corey to touch her much further before showering; she excuses herself from Corey and Lars who have started cooking in the kitchen to go and shower.

           The guestroom she's staying in is littered with trash bags of her clean clothes; she has been washing them since coming back from tour. All she wants is to replace any of Nolan's essence with Corey's. And when she finishes showering, the whole bathroom just smells like her favorite body wash, mingled with something Corey and Lars are cooking downstairs. Nanette changes into PJs and sits atop the bed she had made earlier, staring at the suitcase Corey wouldn't let her lug up the stairs; when she tried to, parts of her body ached from crashing against Nolan's glass coffee table. There's a knock at the door and she takes a deep breath before telling whoever it is to come in. Corey pokes his head through, spotting her.

           "We made barbecue chicken," Corey explains with a satisfied grin on his face. The bruise at his temple is no longer the only thing Nanette can focus on. She's just glad he's smiling now.

           "Well—actually I really made barbecue chicken. Lars just threw some peppers and veggies on the side, but I made you a really nice salad," Corey adds. Nanette laughs. Corey walks into the room just as she's standing up, and swiftly wraps her in his arms tightly, and she winces, causing his eyes to widen and grip to loosen.

           "I'm sorry. Are you okay, baby?" he asks genuinely.

           "Yeah, just exhausted. I haven't even eaten today," she explains. Corey drags a hand down her back, kissing her.

           "Then let's eat." She takes his hand and follows him into the kitchen. They all complain about the bullshit that's going on with Trump on the news while stuffing their faces. Soon enough, Nanette can't keep her eyes open, and she excuses herself to the guestroom. Not long after she has brushed her teeth and laid down in the lamp-lit space, Corey joins her.

           "Why do you keep running away?" he half jokes, sliding into bed beside her. As she turns to face him and rest her head in the bend of his arm, she grins.

           "I'm not running anywhere," she explains, "It's just been a crazy day."

           "You can say that again," Corey admits, closing his eyes and exhaling deeply. She gently lifts her head to kiss his lip where it's cut. Corey's eyes are smiling when he looks down at her again. His hand keeps passing up and down her hip, but then he focuses on the stitches on her head again, sighing.

           "I'm sorry I wasn't here," he says, "I wish you had waited for me." He speaks quietly, though the door is closed and they both know that Lars is already asleep downstairs.

           "None of this was your fault—"

           "But it is. You know I empowered you to confront him just to get your shit back. I shouldn't have done that," Corey explains with guilt, "Had I known this was gonna happen, I would have—"

           "It wasn't your fault. I went and tried to do what needed to be done. Neither of us could have predicted his behavior." Nanette grips Corey's forearm, shaking her head.

           "…You're right. You're right, Nan. But…I have to get this off my chest now, or it's going to keep me awake. I need you to understand…that if he ever touches you again, I know I'm gonna kill him." Nanette stares into Corey's eyes for silent seconds. She gravitates closer to him, placing her hand comfortingly on his neck.

           "I'm never going to see him again. I promise," she whispers. The moment is sealed with a kiss. Corey nods.

           "I was gonna tell you that I want you to meet my son," he explains, sitting up on his elbow and continuing to rub Nanette's side.

           "...Really?" she asks, unable to believe him for some reason.

           "Yeah, really, baby," Corey laughs, "I plan on you being a constant in my life, Nan. And I need you, and love you. I want my kid to love you, too."

Heaviness pulls at something in Nanette's core, a pleasant pull. She presses her lips repeatedly against Corey's neck, until he maneuvers her on top of him and they're making out. He moans sorely here and there, causing Nanette to pause and gaze down at his grimace, eyes pinched, lips still smiling, nonetheless.

           "I'm okay," he promises, "Give me everything." Nanette giggles.

           "You're not. You’re banged up worse than I am. Let's just sleep."

Corey sighs with longing as she slides off of him, and he turns to face her, staring with need. She smiles shyly.

           "You do not know what you do to me." He whispers. She shushes him, allowing one more kiss before outing the light and snuggling into his chest.